| | Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER do the University Chicken 911 Challenge. You're just asking for a world of pain. I don't think I can emphasize this enough. For those of you who don't know this challenge, here are the basics: eat 12 wings in 10 minutes. Sounds simple enough right? Well, there are a couple of additional rules: no napkins, no water, and you have to wait an additional 5 minutes after you finish eating to drink any water or ingest anything. Oh yeah, also, these wings are spicy to the XXXtreme. And I mean REALLY spicy. Words cannot describe it. So that's the challenge, now why am I writing about this?
So I recently lost a bet at bowling and the bet was loser had to "attempt" the aforementioned challenge. Now at first I didn't think much of it, as the only thing I've heard about this challenge was that you had to sign a waiver. I thought it was pretty ludicrous to have to sign a waiver to eat some chicken wings, so it seemed like no big deal. But the more people I talked to, the more warnings I got about needing to be prepared so I don't have to get my stomach pumped or have my ass blow up in a huge spicy flaming mess. So Friday afternoon, I went to get some yogurt (Liz's advice) and Maalox (Bobby's advice). I figured if I fortified my stomach with such products, I should be able to make it out alive...right? My goal was to eat 4 wings. 4 out of 12. Seems reasonable. I was well prepared, I felt like I can take my share of regular spicy foods and still survive, so 4 super spicy wings should be no problem...
So we arrived at the restaurant, Wang and I were the losers so we HAD to do it. Jeff was being a good sport and he wanted to try it out as well. So the three of us signed our waivers and waited for the chicken. I got mine first, and let me tell you, it looked like a huge pile of SHIT. Literally, a pile. The sauce was so thick and brown, you can't even tell there are wings in there. Just looking at the pile made me a bit nauseated. As I sat waiting for the others to get their share, people started to pay attention to the goings ons and asked a lot of questions. Most of them were just curious why I'm doing such a thing to myself, to which I had to explain the whole bet thing. Anyways, when Jeff and Wang got theirs, we were off.
Wang was the first to go down, he took one bite, and started hacking up a lung. I didn't let that distract me, as I need to concentrate to down the thing instead of paying attention to how Wang was dying. Jeff was the next to go, but he had eaten faster than me, I was taking my time. When I reached to eat another one, I could feel my jaw cramping, tears rolling down my eyes, and I couldn't bite down. It was my body giving up. So how many did we all eat? Here are the casualties:
Wang - 1.5 bites
Me - 2 wings
Jeff - 2 wings (and then 15 minutes after we almost killed ourselves, he decides to eat another one for good measure, which was a terrible mistake, I don't know wtf he was thinking)
The other guys were good sports and they tried one as well. Steven and Kevin did it the manly way and ate it straight up (edit: I later found out that they wiped some sauce off as well, but it didn't really matter). Mok tried wiping off most of the sauce and still, he died after he ate it. The best moment of the night was this one guy who was talking to me before about the challenge. As he was leaving he saw us finish, and he was really curious. We had a bunch of wings left and offered one to him. He took about 2 bites, then proceeded to run to the Safeway next to the restaurant to get milk. Now I was already at the Safeway getting milk (the restaurant manager told me milk helped) and there was a long line. As he was waiting in line, he started drinking the milk and in between gulps, he was just shaking his head. His friends were concerned/laughing at him as they waited with him. He finally finishes the entire carton of milk and said one sentence "Where is the bathroom?" He threw the carton at his friend, who paid for it, and ran out of the Safeway looking for a bathroom, presumably to wash his tongue. The whole ordeal was really funny to watch, although I felt bad for the guy because he had no idea what he was getting into.
I had bowel problems that night and didn't get much sleep, but I'll spare the details. The moral of the story? I need to get better at bowling so I don't lose to Mok and his stupid bets.
Michael: Why does everybody think I'm scared of girls?
George Sr.: Because you're chicken. You're a chicken. Coo Coo Ca Chaaaaaa, Coo Coo Ca Chaaaaaa.
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| | Posted 3/12/2007 6:36 PM - 163 Views - 8 eProps - 4 comments
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